During our second CTEPS adventure, my favorite project was listening to the stories of other teachers that inspired them to be teachers, or to be leaders, or to begin a movement. I was in tears, in laughter, and complete awe of these people. When it was my turn to think of my big moment, I was blank. What has been my inspirational moment? What adversity have I really faced? What made the difference for me? When your constant focus is on moving forward, when do you have time to look back? Why look back? As you can see, this was not easy for me. At the end of it all, I have a story. It's not a tear jerker or even goose bump worthy. It's my first draft of my first story. Although I'm still working on my stories and still working on the process of looking back, I am excited about the process and excited about where this takes me.
Here goes...another vulnerable moment in the CTEPS arena.
During a young year of teaching, I had the year of what I called the "bad boys". Without question (of course) I ended up with a group of kiddos that knew a lot of vocabulary and information above their sweet 8 year old maturity levels. As I began complaining (and crying) to my mom, she reminded me (unapologetically in her best I love you but don't feel sorry for you voice) that I don't get to pick what seeds go into this garden, but I do get to decide if I want a good or great garden. It's up to my choices as to how I handle each day, and how this year was going to run. So, without my mom even to feel sorry for me, what excuses could I make? This is the year I really felt that I became a content master because you better believe I was going to be ready for a question. I also HAD to become an expert on relationships and their impact on classroom management. In the midst of this, it became easy to become overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed. I had to be on my game at all time every day, which is hard even in the best circumstances. But, I was determined. These kids were going to be great. This was going to be a great year (insert my dad's voice "By Golly). As I became worn down and unsure of myself, I looked around for support or for someone to notice or to offer advice. While I was able to receive this from my co-teacher and my principal and my counselor, it was clear that some of my peers were waiting for me to fail...almost as a way to prove a point to this "young, naive, rookie".
As I'm working on individual notes for their desks, I would hear "Why are you wasting your time?"
As I ate lunch with the "bad boys", I would hear "Awww, aren't you sweet. Wait until you've taught for a few years."
As I played soccer at recess with these kiddos, I would hear laughter.
As I ran through the room to make sure I had attention and formative data, I would hear "Good thing you're young! You won't do that after a few more years."
As I would leave in the afternoons usually around 4 (an hour after dismissal), I would hear, "How do you leave so early? You must not be working as hard as we do. What makes you so special?"
As my data on assessments was better than my teammates, I was not asked "What did you do to get such great data?". However, I was asked "Are you sure that's real data, or did you change some of it?"
And so on....
I pushed on and depended completely on what my students were showing on assessments and what they were showing me in behavior. When I heard these things, I wanted to cry and make an excuse and call my mom. Granted, I did not reach out to those who were supporting me and there were A LOT of great people to talk to in that place.... awww...the lessons I would tell myself if I could go back. Ultimately, though, no one was going to feel sorry for me. Least of all, those kids. So, on we went.
And, I have to say at the end of that year, we had 100% score on or above grade level in reading and math. Most importantly, I learned what it meant to manage time and make decisions for kids. Without excuses, I felt invincible. The next year, I began my National Board Certification journey and have never looked back.
Oprah says, "Believe people when they show you who they are...the first time." When I read this the emphasis is on the word "show". Time and schedules and plans can be beautiful, but what's actually happening is what you can believe really matters. Kids know that. They can only see what is shown to them.
My Mam-Maw said to me once, "Betty Jo, excuses hang in a closet like coats. You can pull them out as quickly as you want and when one doesn't work you try another one." She was giving me advice on men at the time with the message of:
and to pay attention to those that make excuses. If you're not worth their time, keep moving.
And then there way this....
Without excuses and with a sense of urgency, time in a school day becomes precious and the choices we make in how to use each minute is the key to making the biggest difference in students.
When I leave at 4:00, or shock, 3:00 it's not because something has been left undone. I choose to work my hardest when the students are in front of me. I choose to make each minute count. I choose to assess and reflect and react in the moment. This requires me to choose students over social moments most times, and choose time in the classroom over time in the hallways. This requires my planning process to be very intentional and hyper focused. Some days are longer than others, yes, but not every day. Lots of choices. But, that's my power. And, those choices make sure that something big could happen in my classroom.
Rather than judge these teachers, ask "How are you getting out so early?" "What does your data look like?" "Is what you're doing something I can do, too?"
Rather than make excuses, make decisions. Decisions that require you to spend more time in your classroom with kids than you do in your classroom without kids. Why are you at school at 6:00? What are you doing during these hours that can occur between 8:00 and 3:00....when kids are in front of you?
My project is all about literacy instruction and how the time and teacher make the difference. No program, no money, no certain school....but the decisions and management of the teacher. The value and power of the teacher CAN create the growth needed for any student needing between one and two years worth growth, as long as the teacher is willing to have no excuses.
I think this story could lead into my next story of how easy my life could be consumed by the teaching process, or maybe that's part of this story. Anyway...this is my beginning story and something I hope I come back to improve.
